Issues
by Shadowfax220
Summary: What could you possibly say to make that all right? Sam can't make it all right, but he does try... Missing scene...


_Disclaimer: I don't own anything supernatural. (If I did then John Winchester would still be alive… maybe possessed again by the demon, but alive)._

**Issues**

Dean pulled the car over to the side of the road. The view was breath taking but somehow Sam doubted that was why his brother stopped the car and got out. Sam followed puzzled by his brother's actions.

Dean sat on the front of the car and looked down the cliff into the valley below. "I'm sorry." He said to Sam.

"For what?" Sam asked confused by his brother's statement. He walked around the front of the car and sat next to his brother.

"The way I've been acting…" Dean said and was silent for so long Sam wondered what else was on his brother's mind. He was about to ask when Dean continued. "…and for dad. He was your dad too it's my fault he's gone."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked shocked at his brother's statement. How could Dean possibly think dad's death was his fault? He had been driving the car. It was him the demon was after. How could it possibly be Dean's fault their dad was dead?

"I know you've been thinking it, so have I… doesn't take a genius to figure it out," he replied. "Back at the hospital I made a full recovery. That was a miracle… then five minutes later dad is dead and the colts gone."

"Dean…" Sam started to say but was cut off by his brother.

"You can't tell me there's not a connection. I don't know how the demon was involved…" Dean said unshed tears in his eyes. I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly… but dad's dead because of me. That much I do know."

"We don't know that… not for sure." Sam told him and for the first time really thinking about what his father might have done to save his brother. Dean was wrong, Sam had not even considered the possibility that dad had made such a trade, but now that his brother said it he was pretty sure that was exactly what he had done. The things his dad had Bobby get for him were for summoning the demon. That had to have been why he had disappeared that night. Not to fight the demon, but to make the trade to save Dean.

"Sam. You and dad you're the most important people in my life and now… I never should have come back Sam it wasn't natural and now look what's come of it. I was dead… I should have stayed dead," Dean told him as the tears finally found their way past all the barriers his brother had put up. "You wanted to know how I was feeling well… that's it. So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?"

Sam sat in silence for so long that Dean thought he wasn't going to reply so when he did it kind of surprised him. "If dad did do it, then he did it because he loved you. But Dean, dad never should have been forced to do it. You never should have died," Sam said quietly… so quietly that Dean turned his head in his brother's direction. "You're wrong you know… it wasn't your fault. It was mine."

"Sam…"

"No Dean listen this whole damn mess is my fault," Sam told his brother forcefully. "I was driving the car if I'd paid more attention to the road instead of arguing with dad again then maybe… maybe I could have avoided the truck and this wouldn't have happened."

"Sam it's not…"

"Yes it is Dean…" Sam told his brother. "But you know what? Even if one of you had been driving and the truck hit us it would still be my fault. That damn demon is after me for some reason. And… and everyone I care about is getting killed by it… everyone. It is taking everyone I love away from me one by one and it almost took you. I couldn't live with that Dean. Dad being gone… it's hard enough, if you had died… I couldn't…"

"Sam you are not to blame for any of this," Dean told his brother.

"Of course I am. You heard it Dean!" Sam said raising his voice. "The demon said it had plans for me. Me… it wants… something from me. How much more proof do you need?"

"I know what it said," Dean replied and it nearly killed him to not tell his brother what his father had told to him. But Sam wasn't ready for that… not yet. It scared the hell out of Dean and he knew if it was that hard for him it would be twice as hard for Sam to handle so he kept his father's secret. He would tell Sam when he felt his brother was ready. Right now was not the time. "But Sam, that doesn't make it your fault."

Sam scoffed at his brother's statement. "Right," he told his brother and then softly he continued. "You know, if I'd never been born they'd all still be alive, Mom, Dad, Jessica, even Pastor Jim and Caleb. You'd have a home Dean, with mom and dad. I never should have been born."

Dean looked at his brother. "No," he said. "Don't say that."

"Why not?" Sam replied. "You know its true Dean. Like you said, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

Dean didn't know what to say to his brother but he couldn't let the conversation end like that. "We're a hell of pair you know," he said not looking at Sam.

"What do you mean," Sam asked despondently.

Dean gave a sad half smile and said, "You think you should never have been born and I think I should be dead."

"Man," Sam said rubbing his aching wrist. "You ever notice our family has some serious issues."

Sam's actions didn't go unnoticed by his brother and his need to protect Sam kicked in automatically as he realized they had left town without getting Sam's wrist looked at by a doctor. "Well right now the main issue is getting you to a doctor and checking out that wrist. You really think it's broken?" He asked getting his emotions back in check.

"Yeah, it is," Sam replied.

"Well," Dean said heading for the car's door. "Let's go find you a doctor and get that fixed up."

Sam sat on the hood of the car for a few seconds after his brother left recalling what he had told his brother while he lay in a coma in the hospital. If it had been he and his dad right now things would be so different. It would have been a near impossible situation for both of them. "Thanks, Dad," Sam said quietly. "I think he's mad at you right now, but… he'll come around. He knows why you did it… we both do." His brother would be fine, but it was going to take time… a whole lot of time.

"Come on Sammy," Dean shouted from the driver's seat.

With a final glance at the beauty of the overlook Sam got up and got back in the car. As soon as he did Dean popped in his favorite AC/DC tape, turned up the music and pulled back onto the road.


End file.
